tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70979661212230053572024-03-05T17:09:42.069-05:00Goddess WithinThis is the story of my weight loss journey as I track my goals, accomplishments, fears, motivations, hopes & thoughts. My goal is not only to lose weight but to make changes towards a happy healthier life.EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-48681249256769446012016-06-24T16:28:00.001-04:002016-06-24T16:28:25.126-04:00A new beginning!So I lost my way. I fell off the path hard. It has been a rough bit of time for me. I have been struggling hard with my mental health issues. I had a failed suicide attempt. I've been in darkness & struggled.<br />
<br />
But I see the light. I have hope.<br />
<br />
I am ready to start anew. I am ready and need to just do it and move forward.<br />
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This time I think I am going in with a good mindset. I realize my problems I have had in the past. <br />
I way overthink things. I try to be perfect, though not really
consciously. I just build it up in my head that I am not doing things
right, and as everyone knows weight loss doesn't happen overnight so
when things don't happen & I am doubting myself it is difficult. I
just focus so hard on every detail I get overwhelmed and things start to
unravel and fall apart.<br />
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I gotta get out of that mindset for sure.<br />
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<br />
I plan to count calories and do intermittent fasting.<br />
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I used this great <a href="http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm" target="_blank">calorie calculator</a> to find out how many calories I need to eat daily to lose weight.<br />
It has me eating 1600 calories a day. I am going to do a slight calorie cycle I think and do 1800 one day a week.<br />
<br />
I'll be doing 5:2 intermittent fasting. That means eating normally for 5 days a week & then 2 nonconsecutive days eating only 500 calories.<br />
<br />
So my meal plan will look like:<br />
<br />
Sunday: 1600 calories<br />
Monday: 1600 calories<br />
Tuesday: 500 calories<br />
Wednesday: 1600 calories<br />
Thursday: 1800 calories<br />
Friday: 500 calories<br />
Saturday: 1600 calories<br />
<br />
<br />
I am going to be walking daily with the dogs, building up distance.<br />
<br />
I am really feeling good about this!<br />
<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-35356037988301206362015-03-23T14:39:00.001-04:002015-03-23T14:39:21.095-04:00I've returned with Intermittent Fasting *TW- self harm*So I disappeared for a while... life got..bad to say the least. I fell into a deep dark ugly depression. Where I could barely get out of bed. I wasn't taking any care of myself or my apartment or anything. At my worst moments I was being suicidal & cutting. I was having such bad panic attacks that they were just hitting me all day long and I couldn't leave my apartment.<br />
<br />
Things are slightly better right now. No more cutting & not being suicidal. But some things have gotten worse. My husband quit his job...just one night things got bad at work & had been building up for a while so he up and quit. It has been three weeks and he hasn't found a job. He isn't looking either, just watching movies & playing video games all day. I am very worried about money. Idk what we will do. To make it worse, no job = no insurance. Once my meds are gone I can't get them refilled or see my doctor. It is scary.<br />
<br />
<br />
But besides that I am trying to focus on what I can control. My diet & health is one of those things.<br />
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I have been reading alot about intermittent fasting. Specifically Alternate Day 24 Hour Fasting. The plan is this:<br />
<br />
<b>Sunday</b>: My free day/cheat day. Eat within reason but I can go off plan.<br />
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<b>Monday/Wednesday/Friday</b>: I eat 1400 calories but I stop eating by 5pm. So basically I can eat breakfast and lunch but skip dinner.<br />
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<b>Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday</b>: I skip breakfast & lunch but I can eat dinner after 5pm. I only get 400 calories these days though.<br />
<br />
So it is a 24 hour fast every other day but I still get a meal each day of the week.<br />
<br />
I think it fits my life alot better. As I can eat larger portions. I am actually quite used to skipping meals so I think I can transition into it fairly easy.<br />
<br />
This is an interesting site that describes intermittent fasting: <a href="http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting">http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting</a><br />
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On top of that I am going partial vegetarian. I've tried vegetarianism before and my longest time with it is 3 months... this time I have decided to ease my way into it. I will refrain from eating meat Monday-Saturday, but on Sunday "my free day" I may eat meat. I am going to try and focus on free ranged stuff. My main reason for going vegetarian is that I care about animals. I don't think eating meat is wrong. I wouldn't be mad at the lion for eating the lamb. But I feel we should do so respectfully for the life and treat them with care. And we do not in any way shape or form. The slaughterhouse is cruel.<br />
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I also think it will give me a focus on what I eat and help me stay away from certain foods.<br />
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I am feeling really good about these changes and hopefully they help.EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-92148119275339238512015-01-04T18:11:00.000-05:002015-01-04T18:11:35.993-05:00Weigh in SurpriseWell today was my weigh in. I was sure that I gained. I was praying that I was the same weight and hadn't gained atleast. But this morning when I stepped on the scale....I was down 1.8lbs! I reweighed myself like 5 times to make sure it wasn't some fluke lol<br />
<br />
So yay me! 215.4 On my way to Onderland baby!<br />
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When I woke up this morning I decided to go for my morning walk. It wasn't too chilly out but it was lightly raining. But the next two days are supposed to be very cold in the low teens or single digits. So I didn't want to waste the nice day not walking just cuz of a little rain.<br />
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Then when I got home I rested for a bit, checked facebook and such lol. Then I got busy cleaning my room. It was alot of work. I rearranged things, organized and cleaned. I now have a lovely spot to workout and do yoga.<br />
<br />
After that I brought in the Wii and the dvd player which was a pain to unhook from the living room tv. And I got the dvd working but not the Wii. I have zero ideas why it isn't working. I feel like I need to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to hook stuff up. Everything is plugged in where it should be but it is just not working idk. Which means I have to wait until my DH's day off Wednesday, then bug him until he fixes it for me.<br />
<br />
But since the dvd player was working I did Walk Away the Pounds Dvd, 1 mile. After dinner I am going to do another mile and some yoga.<br />
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So from now on when the weather isn't being lovely I will do the dvd and/or Wii. <br />
<br />
After my workout I took the rats out to play in the newly cleaned bedroom. Khaleesi enjoyed it. She ran all around exploring. Her daughters decided to just hide and/or sit on me. But Ill let them out daily now that the room is picked up and they will get used to it.<br />
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Besides that I had some horrible nightmares last night which took awhile for me to shake off. I ate really good today and drank lots of water.<br />
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I am determined to make it through the week with no regrets. Wish me luck!<br />
<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-37946587470130667242015-01-03T17:14:00.000-05:002015-01-03T17:14:31.702-05:00Stopped a binge!So this morning I woke up and dragged myself out of bed. I really didn't want to get up. My bed was warm and cozy. But I got up and took my morning walk which wasn't that bad. It wasn't too chilly and the wind wasn't too bad.<br />
<br />
Then things took a bad turn. I bought a big bag of trail mix and I just binged out eating almost the entire bag. Almost 1k calories. :( I am so so so mad at myself. I kept saying just one serving more, one more....and then I tracked it and wow, it adds up fast.<br />
<br />
Then my DH came home from work early and wanted me to order pizza. I decided to be smart and I got myself thin crust with just onions and green peppers on it. Which is really not that bad of calories for a serving. But I started binging again. Pizza is a trigger food for me, its really hard for me to stop.<br />
<br />
But I stopped! I ate alot. But mid binge I argued with myself and was able to stop. Such a big part of me kept saying you already screwed up might as well keep going. But I didn't listen. This is an amazing breakthrough for me.<br />
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I have mixed emotions between being mad at myself for binging on the trail mix and then on the pizza and being happy that I was able to stop.<br />
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Tomorrow is my weigh in and its not looking good. But it shouldn't be horrible either. Hopefully. Not a great start to the new year. sigh<br />
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And my evening walk was canceled because it was raining and the rain mixed with all the snow was making it super slippery. I started to walk but had to turn around and go home.<br />
<br />
Yesterday I walked over 7500 steps. On my way to 10k a day!<br />
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I didn't get my room cleaned today. DH came home and took a nap and I didn't want to bother him. But I will get it done tomorrow. I am going to clear a space out so I can do yoga and workout in and bring the dvd player and wii in to the bedroom so I can workout in privacy. No more excuses. <br />
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So I have alot of mixed emotions. Some good stuff some bad. I just need to take a deep breath, relax and look towards tomorrow. Wish me luck I need it.EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-88348168856448054082015-01-02T19:41:00.000-05:002015-01-02T19:41:14.797-05:00Dad issues....I had a pretty good day today. I woke up kindof late and even though everything was covered in snow I took my butt out for a walk anyways. Yay me. The wind was awful :( But I am glad I went. It is more difficult to walk in snow and I had to be careful where I stepped because some areas were a bit slippery. But overall it went well.<br />
<br />
I ate pretty well today. Under my calories. But I ended up being bored/hungry and grazed through lunch :( I bought too many snack type items. Even though they are find in moderation I just wanted to ravish them all. But I still did good so I am happy.<br />
<br />
I got in an evening walk as well. It was much nicer this evening. No ugly wind. I walked down to the store near me and grabbed some strawberries which I had as a snack after dinner. And then I walked over to the pharmacy to pick up one of my prescriptions.<br />
<br />
I needed some new vitamins and rite aid was having a sale buy one get one free so yay I lucked out there.<br />
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The bad news of the day is that I got a card from my father...which brought up alot of feelings. He said he would love to hear from me and life is too short. I haven't spoken to him in quite a long time. And the last time I did speak to him I told him I never wanted to talk to him ever again, disowned him and told him he was out of my life.<br />
<br />
My father is a really bad guy. Not to get into it too much but He has done some unforgivable things and is currently in prison. And the general public would probably like to see him dead. My brother won't have anything to do with him either. My sister still talks to him sometimes but has told him in her world he would be dead so yeah.... He is a really bad person. My DH wants me to have no contact with him as well.<br />
<br />
It isn't so easy for me to just write someone out of my life. I feel a prang of guilt. Like am I not a better person who could forgive? Are some things forgivable? Would writing him make me feel better? Make me feel anything at all? I could write him and tell him what I think of him but that just seems cruel. If he died tomorrow IDK if I would feel anything. So writing him would probably only be for his benefit, and I am not sure he deserves that.<br />
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Anyways on a lighter note....I am hoping tomorrow goes a bit better eating wise and just as great exercise wise. I am going to clean up my bedroom so I can have a spot to do yoga in.<br />
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I also joined a rep a day challenge, where each day of the year you add one more rep. I am doing push ups and squats. So yesterday I did one of each and today I did two of each as its the second. by the end of the year Ill have to do 365!<br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-35429215108420912232014-12-31T17:24:00.000-05:002014-12-31T17:24:39.051-05:00Blizzard + New YearsWell my post yesterday about winter couldn't have come at a better time. Today we got hit by a blizzard, lake effect snow and icy & cold. Not fun walking weather. When I woke up I planned to use the Wii but my legs were ultra sore. I decided it is best to listen to my body and take a rest day. No point in pushing myself and getting hurt. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.<br />
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I ate horrible today. No binges but I ate alot of not healthy foods and alot of them.I partly blame it on my DH being home. It isn't his fault, all mine. But for some reason it is so much harder for me to stay on track when he is around. Must figure out why. <br />
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I got a book/video combo at the store yesterday for yoga. It was on sale half off. I couldn't resist. The book goes through all the poses and has pictures so it is easy to follow. I will start adding yoga back into my routine. I just need to make myself a spot where I can do it in.<br />
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I can't believe it is almost a new year. I am a bit sad that I didn't do things sooner. I could have been where I wanted to be at already if I had. But I can't change the past. So there is nothing left to do other then look forward.<br />
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I am copying <a href="http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/SMARTgoalsWS-NN.pdf" target="_blank">Sparkpeople's Goal setting guide</a>.<br />
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<br />
<div data-canvas-width="526.232" style="font-family: serif; left: 162.9px; top: 167.8px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.12032, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 1: Write down your goal in as few words as possible. </b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>My goal is to</b>: Hit Onderland</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 2: Make your goal detailed and SPECIFIC.</b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: small;">By April 1st 2015 I want to be under 200lbs.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>HOW will you reach this goal? List at least 3 action steps you'll take (be specific): </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">1. Track my Calories daily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">2. Exercise atleast 5 days a week.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">3. Eat more fruits and veggies</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">4. Watch my carbs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><div data-canvas-width="378.98" style="font-family: serif; left: 162.9px; top: 496.1px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.02742, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 3: Make your goal is MEASUREABLE. </b></span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="343.93483000000003" style="font-family: serif; left: 542px; top: 499.235px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.0624, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><i>Add details, measurements and tracking details.</i> </b></span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="88.61999999999999" style="font-family: serif; left: 710.2px; top: 536.2px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.06365, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>I will measure/track my goal by using the following numbers or methods:</b> </span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="88.61999999999999" style="font-family: serif; left: 710.2px; top: 536.2px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.06365, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;">I will weigh in every Sunday. </span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: small;">I will know I've reached my goal when:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I am under 200lbs</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 4: Make your goal ATTAINABLE. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>What additional resources do you need for success?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Items I need to achieve this goal:</b> I am using Sparkpeople.com to track my calories and fitbit to track my exercise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>People I can talk to for support: </b>my sister, sparkfriends, and 3fatchicks.com for support. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 5: Make your goal RELEVANT.</b></span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="199.45811999999998" style="font-family: serif; left: 540.901px; top: 854.835px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.05385, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>List why you want to reach this goal:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I want to be healthy and happier. In better shape. And closer to my ultimate weight goal. </span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="199.45811999999998" style="font-family: serif; left: 540.901px; top: 854.835px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.05385, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Step 6: Make your goal TIMELY. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Put a deadline on your goal and set some benchmarks.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I will reach my goal by (date): 04/01/2015</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div>
<div data-canvas-width="196.16821999999996" style="font-family: serif; font-size: 16.7px; left: 644px; top: 1014.14px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.06526, 1);">
<div data-canvas-width="240.96399999999997" style="font-family: serif; font-size: 20px; left: 163.2px; top: 1091.2px; transform-origin: 0% 0% 0px; transform: scale(1.05547, 1);">
<span style="font-size: small;">My halfway measurement will be 210lbs by 02/01/2015</span></div>
</div>
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</div>
EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-49622995092160037212014-12-30T17:27:00.000-05:002014-12-30T17:27:27.831-05:00Winter VS Fitness GoalsSo I set myself some goals to walk twice everyday from now on. It sounded perfect. Problem was when I made these plans we had a bubble of beautiful weather. Now today it has been snowing all day and is cold as hell.<br />
<br />
I still walked this morning and tonight in the snow. Even though the snow was blowing directly into my face which made it very unpleasant. But it made me start thinking....<br />
<br />
I can walk in alittle bit of snow but when it gets icy... no way am I walking. Ill break my head lol I have enough trouble staying on two feet when it isn't icy.<br />
<br />
So that surely puts a kink in my plan.<br />
<br />
So on bad snowy or icy days I will either do Walk Away the Pounds dvd or Wii fit instead for 30+ mins.<br />
<br />
Stupid winter bleh :( lol<br />
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Anyways I am having an ok day. Still having a hard time getting up early but I am not super trying to either right now. I'm not napping so I consider it a win.<br />
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Food wise I didn't do great today. But I didn't binge. I ate bad stuff but I stopped when I was full. I did get some fruit snacks which I swear is like crack to me. But I recorded their calories and wow they are way worse then I thought. 77 carbs for a package! Not getting those again.<br />
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I bought some strawberries at the store and can't wait to have some with breakfast tomorrow. Yum!EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-68385112763513078042014-12-27T17:52:00.000-05:002014-12-27T17:52:12.964-05:00Fitness GoalsI usually don't blog twice in one day but during my evening walk I had a bit of an epiphany. I decided to set some fitness goals and wanted to write them down right away.<br /><br />Starting now until the <b>end of Jan</b> I will walk every single day morning and evening. I will walk 1.25 miles each time for a total of 2.5 miles everyday. I will focus on my speed, trying to walk fast enough so that I am out of breath.<br /><br />Starting <b>Feb</b> I will increase it to 2 miles each walk for a total of 4 miles everyday. <br /><br />Starting in <b>March</b> I want to start a <a href="http://www.c25k.com/" target="_blank">couch25k program</a> and begin running! <br /><br />I super want to be a runner and I never will be unless I just do it. So now I have a goal set!EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-13867661925943941822014-12-27T10:32:00.000-05:002014-12-27T10:35:27.204-05:00My Meds Are Working!So I had a great Christmas. We went to my inlaws and celebrated Christmas eve. Then on Christmas day we went over to DH's grandparents house for a bit.<br />
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The holidays are a perfect test of my meds, I am around a bunch of people. Usually it sucked big time. I am ultra quiet. I hang out by DH like I am glued to him. I have sneaked off to the bathroom to cry. I am so nervous that I make myself literally sick. I have panic attacks the entire time.<br />
<br />
Well instead it was wonderful. It wasn't perfect, don't get me wrong. I didn't have some miracle change where I am a whole new person lol. I wasn't the life of the party, or a chatty cathy. But I only had one small panic attack when we first arrived. I wasn't sick with nerves. I talked to people some. I didn't cry which is always a good sign. I didn't feel the need to stick to DH as much.<br />
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Honestly it was a breath of fresh air. It means my meds are working. And I see a noticeable difference. I can't even express how happy that makes me. I can't wait to tell my doctor and therapist!<br />
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That was the greatest part of Christmas for me :)<br />
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Everyone seemed to enjoy the gifts we got them. Which I am glad :) I loved my gifts!<br />
<br />
I wanted to redo my kitchen in purple and my wish was granted. I got purple hand towels, pot holders, serving spoons, all kinds of utensils, two cutting boards and best of all....purple plates. I can't tell you how excited I was over the plates lol. I seriously love them. They are the <a href="http://www.rachaelraystore.com/Product/detail/Rachael-Ray-Round-Square-16-pc-Dinnerware-Set-Purple/585371" target="_blank">Rachel Ray collection</a>. They are round and square at the same time which makes them look really neat.<br />
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With a gift card I bought myself the <a href="https://www.fitbit.com/" target="_blank">fitbit zip</a>. And I seriously LOVE it already. It is really neat. It tracks distance and steps. I know I am nowhere near 10k steps a day but hopefully this inspires me to try. What i really love about it is that it syncs with sparkpeople. So after my walk I can come home and sync it and it auto loads up my distance and time. So no more having to track it on my phone app and then putting it in manually. </div>
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The only downside is that it is so tiny. I am so afraid I will lose it. I have it hooked to the inside of my bra so it won't fall off no matter what. Which it has a nice tight hook so I doubt it would come off easily. </div>
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I also got a video game, Dragon Age Inquisition. I am a big fan of the other two dragon age games so I was pretty excited for this to come out. So far though I am not loving the game. Its very different from the other two and will take some getting used to for sure. Maybe once the story progresses I will like it more...hopefully. </div>
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Anyways diet wise I did very well over the holidays. I ended up skipping lunch both Christmas eve and Christmas. So that helped I am sure. I didn't stuff myself or come even close either. I did eat some cheesecake and cookies though. It was delicious no regrets. :) It was Christmas. Exercise wise I took the dog for a walk around the block both days but that is it. Still I was moving so yay. </div>
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Last night I also took a walk. I am trying once again to walk every evening. & I would like to then add walking in the morning too. We will see. The weather is beautiful right now so I should take full advantage of it.</div>
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Today I have a pretty busy day of cleaning, taking down all the Christmas stuff. I need to pick up the living room its a mess lol. And clean the rats cage and organize my bedroom alittle bit better. </div>
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-16620487751916370592014-12-22T16:30:00.000-05:002014-12-22T16:30:07.466-05:00Busy with the holidaysI feel so busy. Yesterday we finished up our Christmas shopping and it took forever and running around to a bunch of different stores. So very tiring. I am really happy with what we got everyone and am excited for Christmas to come!<br />
<br />
After we were done shopping we both were tired and hungry so we stopped at taco bell and I did not eat well :( I let hunger get the best of me.<br />
<br />
Today I have been eating much better and still just as busy. I found a Christmas music station on iheartradio and listened to that as I wrapped presents. Which wrapping presents was a feat in itself with naughty foster kittens that were very interested in everything I was doing. So it consisted of me mostly shooing them away lol<br />
<br />
After I finished the presents I needed to make a candle and some wax melts. I was making a few of a bunch of different scents to give to people. It is alot of work because it goes slow and has alot of downtime in between batches while I wait for them to cool. So that took me most of the day. But I am glad it is all done with, I just hope people like them.<br />
<br />
The rest of the night I am going to try and relax I have another busy day tomorrow. I gotta get everything together, make my ziti I am bringing, and bathe the dog so she is pretty for christmas lol I haven't given her a bath for a while now since its been cold out so she definitely needs it. She is coming to my inlaws for christmas with us so she has to look her best.<br />
<br />
Christmas eve we are headed to the inlaws and staying over for Christmas day. Then we will leave Christmas night because DH has to open the next day and he needs some sleep lol.<br />
<br />
I love Christmas so much I can't wait! I am as excited as a little kid I swear lolEckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-31497778007683683772014-12-17T19:34:00.000-05:002014-12-17T19:34:37.488-05:00Another Positive DayI am having another real positive day. Yesterday my FBS was 117. Which while not perfect is much better then it has been. And today my predinner BS was just 104! I actually felt alittle light headed as I am not so used to the lower numbers right now. But this is really good it means my numbers are coming down nicely and if I keep working at it like I am they should be where they need to be shortly. Yay me.
I went to therapy today and it went really well. It is nice to have someone impartial to talk to about it that agrees with me. It eases my concerns. We also talked about my issue with Christmas dinner. We go to my inlaws and everything they make for dinner is stuff I do not eat- ham, polish sausage, potato salad. I just don't like any of it. And it puts me in this awkward predicament which for someone with panic disorder is really sucky.
I don't want to expect them to make a whole other meal for me and yet my husband just wants me to wing it and find something to eat there. Like idk maybe he is embarrassed by his picky wife. But my therapist thinks I should just not even worry about it and bring a lasagna or something to eat that can be for everyone if they want it and Ill have something to eat. It sounds like a plan. I might do a baked ziti with roasted veggies. I saw a recipe that looked yummy. I can premake it all and put it together then just toss it in the oven to melt the cheese when I get there.
I didn't walk today :( I wanted to but it was snowing with some harsh wind and after I got out of therapy I just wasn't feeling up to walking. Hopefully the weather is a bit nicer tomorrow.
I didn't nap again today so that makes 5 days without taking a nap! But it was a real struggle not to. But I am realizing it seems to come with the boredom. I just need to find things to do.
I didn't do much today at all. I did clean out my fridge & freezer which badly needed it. I can't go shopping till prob fri or sat but when I do ill have plenty of room to fill up.
Anyways I am just happy and in a good mood :) My therapist even noticed and said I seem alot calmer and better. So maybe my new pills and upping the prozac is working!EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-25756380120697525972014-12-15T18:42:00.003-05:002014-12-17T19:19:31.825-05:00Feeling positive!Having a much better day today! Yay me. I was able to walk down to the pharmacy and use the discount card so I only had to pay $15 for my medication! So that made me happy.<br />
<br />
I haven't napped in 3 days. It hasn't been easy. I think boredom is part of the problem. I need to summon the energy to get things done so I can keep myself busy during the day. I'd walk more but it is so muddy and slushy outside & somedays have been very chilly, it isn't very appetizing. But that partially feels like an excuse and I should just do it anyways.<br />
<br />
I did walk today to the pharmacy so thats good. I might take another walk now, I haven't decided yet.<br />
<br />
Food wise...things have been much much better then my norm. But not great overall. I am not eating healthy just eating less. And I know its about small steps. I can't go for perfection or I will fail everytime. But I do know I need to do better and I am tracking my food and seeing where I can improve.<br />
<br />
For instance my breakfast of choice is this cinnamon oatmeal granola, which is to die for. I think making it with almond milk instead of milk would help cut carbs and add protein. I may also throw some almonds in it to bring up the protein and fat. Making it a more balanced breakfast.<br />
<br />
I am thinking sandwich and salad for lunches. Probably a grilled cheese using low fat cheese, turkey slices and whole wheat bread. The first time I ever lost alot of weight grilled cheese was my go to meal. It was warm and gooey a balanced choice and kept me full. Some cottage cheese and veggies or salad on the side its delicious and easy to make.<br />
<br />
And then for dinner experiment some with different dishes. Probably mix in eggs some nights for a cheap healthy meal, pack them with veggies. The other nights make chicken and do something with it. Finding some good ideas on pinterest.
The only good thing about my husband working closes, is that he won't be home for dinner so I can just cook for myself and not worry about having to make something for him too, and then being naughty and eating bad myself.<br />
<br />
Ofcourse the bad side is that with my current sleeping schedule I never see him. I am asleep when he gets home and still sleeping when he leaves in the morning.
I have got to fix my sleeping. I am no longer napping but instead I am sleeping in really late. It is kindof like a trade off lol.<br />
<br />
I want to start setting my alarm and getting up earlier but I am waiting until I have the nap situation worked out better. I am sleeping really well at night. Less tossing and turning, if I wake up I fall back to sleep fairly easily. I feel rested when I get up.<br />
<br />
Oh I also had my weigh in yesterday and am down to 220 from 222.4lbs. So yay! I still admit that I am feeling slightly upset that I regained so much. I had been down to 207...so close to Onederland and to gain it back sucks and be just so far away again. But I am not letting it get me down. I will do it and this time no more regaining, no more stopping, no more giving up, no more excuses. I can do this.<br />
<br />
Anyways I have a plan of action, so thats good :) I am feeling very determined & positive which is great. EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-32203170972681723472014-12-13T13:57:00.001-05:002014-12-13T13:57:15.667-05:00Healthy Money Guilt StressI literally just want to cry right now. It is taking everything in me not to eat my feelings.<br />
<br />
Money sucks sucks sucks. We are really struggling money wise right now and it is a scary thing. It is so hard to focus on my health when it costs so much money.<br />
<br />
The first time I was doing really well losing weight and being on plan one of the big factors that made me go off track was money. It was all so expensive, even with insurance. I am going to doctors appointments and my medicines and it all adds up so quickly. I feel guilty.<br />
<br />
So here we are again struggling to get by and part of the reason our bank account is so low this paycheck is that I had a check for therapy, a doctors appointment copay, and now my medicine is due. I just got home from the pharmacy and my new medicine I just got put on is $80...which I didn't have. So I couldn't get it.<br />
<br />
After I came home I looked online and found on their website a discount card I can try to use that <i>should</i> mean the medicine will only cost me $15-20. If it works.... if it doesn't i will be so embarrassed. Ill go try tomorrow. Because no way can I afford $80 a month. <br />
<br />
I am not working and I feel guilty being so sick and having to cost us so much money.<br />
<br />
It honestly is disheartening and a huge part of me wants to throw in the towel and give up. IDK if I can do this. I wish someone could just hug me and tell me it will all be ok and it really be ok then.<br />
<br />
I wish I was seeing my therapist sooner then Wednesday :( Not that I can afford it.<br />
<br />
The good news is that I got a mile walk in to the pharmacy. And even though I came out of the store super upset I DID NOT go over to Mcdonalds and stuff my face which I was tempted to do. I am eating good today so far and while Im upset and it won't be easy I am determined to stay on plan. My BS was also a bit lower today then it has been which is good.<br />
<br />
My goals for today are not to eat my feelings and not to take a nap. Wish me luck I will need it.....<br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-32861198478587382932014-12-12T12:41:00.001-05:002014-12-12T12:41:18.735-05:00I wanna be thinToday started out like an ok day. I had the best night of sleep in a
long while thanks to the Seroquel. It knocked me right out. Liking it
already. The doc said it can take a month to kick in all the way though
so we will see.... But I woke up with a headache and feeling crabby. The
apartment was a mess because I live with slobs sigh. And my foster
kittens ravaged the stuff on my desk and knocked over the christmas tree
:( <br />
<br />
Diet wise my day started out fantastic and then went downhill big time. I
ate a good breakfast of my cinnamon granola oatmeal. I even measured
out a serving. Lunch I had grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread
with turkey. Again a fairly good choice. No fruit or veggies though. But
dinner DH wanted to order pizza and I gave in and ate almost an entire
medium pizza myself. :( <br />
<br />
IDK why I do the things I do. <br />
<br />
But no hate or letting it ruin me. Tomorrow I will do better. One day at a time. <br />
<br />
I am planning on walking tomorrow as long as the weather isn't too bad.
I've also been looking through thinspo on <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=thi%20nspo&term_meta[]=thinspo|typed" target="_blank">pinterest</a> for inspiration
& motivation. <br />
<br />
Thinking of making it my homepage so I can look at all the skinny girls to get it in my mindset. <br />
<br />
I wanna be skinny <br />
I wanna be healthy <br />
I wanna be able to sit in my DHs lap without feeling like I will squish him <br />
I wanna be able to sit, stand, walk without feeling sore & out of shape <br />
I wanna be able to wear dresses and nice things and feel pretty. I keep
thinking of all the things I wanna wear when I am thin. A dress for
sure, knee high socks, a corset, tank tops, etc.... <br />
I wanna be able to feel my collar bones so badly again <br />
<br />
Anyways...I am once again giving up the diet coke. I have one bottle
left and then I am back to drinking water. I will still have a diet coke
if I go out sometimes but no more just drinking nothing but diet coke! I
also think getting off the caffeine will help me with all my sleep
issues. EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-6954501211282880712014-12-10T14:18:00.000-05:002014-12-10T14:18:12.193-05:00New MedsWell I went to the doctor today. I had to literally drag myself out of bed kicking and screaming lmao! I so didn't want to get up early but I did. yay me!<br /><br />The weather is yucky, snowing and cold. So it wasn't any fun walking to the bus stop and then waiting for the bus. The bus was running late so I was a few mins late to the doctors office but it didnt seem to matter.<br /><br />The doctor switched up my meds. She took me off abilify. Doubled my dose of prozac but I take it twice a day now. And she put me on Seroquel XR. She thinks this will help my depression and help me sleep normally now.<br /><br />I am also supposed to stop taking naps during the day which will be hard at first. I am so tired. But hopefully i can do it. <br /><br />She also wants me to start walking atleast 4 times a week. Which was my plan anyways even though the turn of weather is going to make that difficult. <br /><br />Well we will see how this new medication goes. Fingers crossed it works out all my kinks. Now I just have to let the meds work and focus on my diet and exercise!EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-32433678480124930302014-12-07T12:08:00.000-05:002014-12-07T12:08:35.553-05:00I'm up & feeling downSo I decided to weigh in today.... I am up to 222.4lbs :(<br />
What happened? I was down to 210, lightning my way down to Onderland and feeling amazing. And then I lost my way and gained so much back. I feel like a yo-yo.<br />
<br />
It is unfair that it is so mindlessly easy to gain and such hard work to lose.<br />
<br />
I can let this get the best of me. Let myself tear myself apart and go back to eating my feelings in a stupid endless cycle of weight gain. Or I can turn this around.<br />
<br />
I am back & feeling determined. I am sad, angry, depressed all still but going to use those feelings to push myself towards something good instead of the negative once again.<br />
<br />
This morning I started my day off right by testing my fasting BS (159) and eating a good breakfast. No more sugar laced peanut butter crunch lol Instead I made myself an egg with one small tortilla and some salsa. Very reasonable and yummy.<br />
<br />
I am going to go shopping and buy myself some more veggies and fruit.<br />
<br />
I am setting some goals...<br />
<br />
<b>1.</b> Go to the doctor. I need to visit my doctor again I should have in October. No more excuses just going to go.<br />
<br />
<b>2.</b> Fix my sleep issues. I am either not sleeping at all or sleeping all day long. It is killing me. I can't be always exhausted and function. Hopefully the doctor can help with that but I am also going to start getting up earlier. I can't go to bed at 8pm and sleep until 10am. Its absurd.<br />
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<b>3</b>. Focus on eating healthier and no more binges. <br />
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<b>4</b>. Exercise! I will be walking in the evenings after dinner and going to start doing my Wii and weights in the mornings.<br />
<br />
I can do this!!EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-40520710282161202612014-10-05T19:30:00.000-04:002014-10-05T19:30:36.547-04:00A light in the darknessI've been so so bad. Just a huge mess. I wasn't eating right. I was eating really really bad without any care. I stopped working out. Once again I fell into this darkness and I couldn't climb back out. I just couldn't summon the motivation to wake up and get my act together. I was full of excuses. I know stress had something to do with it. I need better ways to deal with my stress instead of retreating away and falling apart.<br />
<br />
Three things have been on my mind lately that are helping me get back on track.<br />
<br />
1. I was feeling really really sick. All that bad eating caught up to me and omg I wanted to die. It was really bad. Kindof a big wake up call to my bad eating.<br />
<br />
2. I didn't want to go to therapy this week. I am still going to go. but I had my head full of excuses of why I shouldn't go. And even as I was playing it out in my head I knew I was just making excuses and that it was just a bad thing going on. I knew if I didnt go it would be a slippery slope.<br />
<br />
3. One of my spark friends is doing absolutely amazing. She is so inspiring me. She is pushing herself farther and being so brave and it wants me to get back to that same place so badly.<br />
<br />
I don't feel like I have summoned all that beautiful motivation like I have in the past. I am still feeling rather meh. But I can do this. Small steps make the difference. And if I just start doing small things sooner or later I will get my motivation back.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I am taking a walk, no excuses. I am getting up and walking.<br />
I am back to drinking water again.<br />
Back to testing my Blood Sugar.<br />
<br />
Next time I go shopping which will prob be wednesday. I will shop smart. No sweets. No junk. No heavy carb loaded meals. I will eat simply and smart. Watch my portions.<br />
<br />
I can do this. I feel scared and full of anxiety. IDK why even. But I am doing it. Wish me well I need it. EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-47027831713100669792014-08-25T15:51:00.001-04:002014-08-25T15:51:27.949-04:00Bad bad daysI am in such a downward spiral of just crap. I am so sad feeling and every little thing feels like this huge overwhelming task. I can't get through the day. I just wanna hide away and cry. I am doing so bad.<br />
<br />
I see my therapist on Wed and I am so glad because I desperately need to talk it out and maybe get some help. <br />
<br />
At the same time I am nervous about seeing my therapist because I am going to talk to her about me having a service dog. I want her to write me a letter for it. I already have a service dog and my doctor wrote me a letter (well she is supposed to be writing it but its taking her forever to do it lol) so I'd like a letter from her too and I think I should talk about it. I guess I am just worried about what she will think, if she will agree that its a good idea or hate it. I read in support groups about some doctors not agreeing to it. That is so not what I need to hear right now.<br />
<br />
I have taught my dog two tasks so far. She does tactile stimulation and self harm interrupt. I wanna train her to do diabetic alerts and to bring me my meds as well. Right now we are going to be working on public access focus on me.<br />
<br />
Anyways I hope I feel better tomorrow. I wanna take a walk but I feel yucky so I know I won't. Hopefully tomorrow. EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-35053401343956294592014-08-17T12:09:00.000-04:002014-08-17T12:09:19.765-04:00Weigh In DisappointmentToday was my weigh in day... I am back up to 210 lbs. I swore I would never see 210 again and there it was staring right up at me with all its evilness.<br />
<br />
All I can say is that I am disappointed in myself, angry, upset, feeling quite down. I have no one else to blame but myself. My actions brought me to this point.<br />
<br />
I feel like my weight is an echo of my emotions. My therapist said being bipolar, I am ruled by my emotions. Whatever emotion I am feeling in that moment is in the driver's seat, making the decisions. I have to end that cycle, be more in control. But it isn't easy. And it would be easy to dismiss all my problems on my mental issues. I see my doctor in two weeks and will ask her to up my pills for sure. But there isn't going to be a magic pill that makes everything perfect. It will help me manage it not make life kittens and rainbows.<br />
<br />
I watch the show Extreme Weightloss alot. I love it. I know its reality tv and edited and the people get to go to a resort for 3 months with nutritionists and personal trainers. So its so not like real life at all. But I watch the people try so hard. They know what they want and they push themselves toward it.<br />
<br />
I am just not really trying. I half a$$ it. Put barely enough effort into it. And yet I expect to see these huge changes. I order pizza two nights a week and eat the entire thing + bread. Hello way over my calories not to mention...I am diabetic. Those carbs are so not what I should be stuffing my face with. I made brownies and ate 1/4 of the pan as a serving. I ate almost an entire box of mac & cheese with over 1/4 bag of breaded chicken strips. Do you see any veggies in there?<br />
<br />
<b>I see so many carbs and calories and <u>NOT</u> a girl who is caring about her health and weight at all.</b><br />
<br />
I just wanna cry right now. I wanna slap myself and scream that I need to wake up and do this right. And I am scared that I will sit here and say a bunch of happy motivational crap and then tomorrow eat like crap again.<br />
<br />
How do these other people do it? Where do the summon the strength from? How do they resist temptations? How do they not let their bad day ruin everything?<br />
<br />
I have to change for real. I need a routine. Structure. I need to not buy crap that I don't trust myself around. No more fast food. I need to up my exercise and actually push myself. I need to not give up. No more hoping. I need to do. But even as I write these words I fear that tomorrow they will go poof and I will once again be picking myself back up sigh. <br />
<br />
<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-66512576037929702972014-08-09T08:03:00.000-04:002014-08-09T08:03:17.721-04:00Surprise Kittens!So last night at 8:30pm I heard a knock at my door and it was my neighbor with two half dead little kittens for me. I apparently am the cat lady now lol<br />
<br />
They were in bad shape, nothing but bones. When they handed me the first one I thought it was already dead by how listless its body was. I didn't think that one was going to make it through the night at first.<br />
<br />
When you pet them and all you can feel is their spine it breaks your heart. They were covered in dirt and burs. Like every inch of their fur was tangled in burs that I had to pick out. It took forever and was probably good that they had no energy because it was not fun pulling them out :( But I bet they feel alot better now.<br />
<br />
I was afraid my husband would be mad at me for taking them in. I just could not tell them no when they were in such bad shape.<br />
<br />
But right away he was amazing, comforted me because I was in panic mode with worry over them. And he told me to stay with the kittens while he ran to the store to buy formula. awww. He also named them...Hope & Faith. I think one might be a boy though lol. One is black & the other is a diluted calico. Very adorable.<br />
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I am not sure what I am going to do with them right now. I texted my contact at the shelter last night and they said they would take them but I am not sure if they will at this age. I am assuming 3-4 weeks. I guess I may need to foster them until they are old enough. Not sure how my husband will feel about that.<br />
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It kindof puts a ? on today's plans though. We were supposed to drive down to my inlaws, who are about an hour and a half away, and spend the day doing a cookout and seeing family.<br />
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The kittens need to be fed about every 3-4 hours. So either I stay home...which I haven't been able to go visit them in a while because last time they had a get together I had foster kittens then too. Or I take the kittens with us. I will see what DH thinks I guess.<br />
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I spent all day yesterday baking zucchini mini bread loafs & mini muffins. One flavor is chocolate & walnut & the other is blueberry. They both rock too! I wanted to bring them to the cookout.<br />
<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/263882859391567664/">http://www.pinterest.com/pin/263882859391567664/</a><br />
<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/263882859391429179/">http://www.pinterest.com/pin/263882859391429179/</a><br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-79505377757572556042014-08-06T07:18:00.002-04:002014-08-06T07:18:41.859-04:00Busy MorningI slept through the night again!!! It is a miracle. I fell asleep watching a movie last night at like 9:30, got up at 10 and went straight to bed then woke up alittle after 5:30. Sleeping is awesome :)<br /><br />I got up at 6am to go lay traps for the feral cats. I have 7 traps this time! But I only set 3 because I need to wait and see if they have room for anymore. I already trapped one. She got in the cage but not in all the way and she was so busy eating I was able to sneak up behind her and snap the trap closed. <br /><br />Tomorrow I am taking them to another spay clinic. We get them spayed and some shots and flea meds then release them back. If I can catch 7 Ill be pretty much done with this colony. But I doubt I will have that much luck. I have already caught and released 6 cats from here and not alot more make this their permanent home but travel so we will see. <br /><br />No bike ride this morning though. Way too tired after caring out all those traps. I am exhausted and a sweaty mess ewww. I also really need to invest in bug spray because I am covered in mosquito bites. <br /><br />I am excited to go help out at the clinic tomorrow. I really love doing it. It is alot of work but so worth it. This will be my third time doing it.<br /><br />As soon as my DH wakes up we are supposed to go shopping but I doubt that will really happen lol. We didn't go shopping last week so we are in dire need of restocking. I should probably make a quick list.EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-58038999763759973942014-08-04T13:23:00.001-04:002014-08-04T13:23:56.662-04:00Weigh in!My weigh in is usually Sunday but I totally forgot to weigh in yesterday so I did this morning instead. I was up to 211 during the week but this morning I was down to 208.2! Which is up from the 207.6 I was last week but I am under 210 so I am happy. I am guessing my period and not eating great caused the gain. But next week I will get back down.<br />
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I am so exhausted right now. I just wanna take a nap but I am struggling not to. I think not napping helped me sleep better but its really hard not to. I actually slept pretty good last night. I woke up afew times but managed to fall back to sleep without too much of a fight.<br />
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I rode my bike this morning again. I am working on not stopping at all and its hard but I am getting better. I also took a short walk to get cat litter from the store nearby. It was a super short walk almost across the street but carrying the 14lb container of cat litter home was prob a nice workout lol<br />
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Besides that my day is pretty good though boring. I am eating pretty good. I have the bored munchies. But resisting pretty well.<br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-10202250728711717342014-08-02T08:10:00.003-04:002014-08-02T08:10:44.557-04:00I am so out of shapeMy day did not start off well. I woke up at 5am so tired but couldnt fall back to sleep. My DH got up around 6 to get ready for work & with the light on and him talking to me I just decided to get up for good. I wanted to get up early anyways for a bike ride. But not quite that early... lol<br />
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First thing I went out to feed the feral cats and I found one of the kittens had been hit by a car just as I was coming outside. It must have been sleeping under the car and for some reason didn't run away or in time when it started up and left. It was too late to do anything for it. But I carried it over to the woods so none of the kids would see it since it was right outside the playground area. I was crying my eyes out this entire time. To make matters worse...momma cat found it and was carrying it around. So yeah my heart is just in pieces right now.<br />
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This is the second cat I have found hit by cars. Please for the love of all things holy keep your cats indoors. :(<br />
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Anyways I decided to go on my bike ride this morning. I had big hopes that I would ride this huge distance like it was nothing.... omg I am so out of shape. Right away I was like hell no I cant do this.I went 1.72 miles all together and my average speed was 5 mph...which is slow as hell. All the bike tracking on my fitness tracker was 10 mph and higher just to give u an idea.... The fastest I went was 11 mph and that was downhill.<br />
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My legs were on fire. I was so out of breath. I wanted to die. I had to stop several times. At one point I didn't think I could go on & had a panic attack over it.<br />
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So yeah I am out of shape. And it sucks. And it truly makes me want to throw in the towel and never ever ever touch the bike again or move again and just curl up and stuff myself with pizza and say screw it all.<br />
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I won't do that though, as tempting as it is. I remember a quote:<br />
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It is hard but staying overweight, sick, tired all the time, out of breath, out of energy and so unhealthy is hard too. It seems easy in the moment but it is just a different type of hard.<br />
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I just have to remind myself that it gets easier. Right?<br />
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I give up very easily. It becomes hard and I have a panic attack and it throws me off. I should talk to my therapist about that next time I see her. Because I am still have panic attacks and it is really hard to work out when I am having them as soon as I push myself.<br />
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I need to stop staying in my comfort zone. I am not talking about running a marathon tomorrow. I don't want to push myself too hard and not be ready for it. But I need to go harder and farther then I have been or it will never get easier.<br />
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<u><b>So goal setting time:</b></u><br />
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<ol>
<li> 4 days a week ride my bike in the morning. Going to do 1 mile everyday this week, next week 1.5, etc...</li>
<li> 5 days a week take an evening walk with my dog. 1 mile everyday for 2 weeks then 1.5 for 2 weeks, then 2 for 2 weeks. </li>
<li> Atleast 3 times a week do the Wii workout. This includes strength and weights. 15 mins for the first 2 weeks then 30 mins.</li>
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I am starting slow with just 1 mile, 15 mins, etc... One thing spark has taught me is to set myself up for success. I am starting a whole new fitness schedule so go slow and do what I know I can do and then build up one step at a time.<br />
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I am also going to blog/journal everyday and track my food! I gotta track it. Even if it is bad.<br />
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<b>I can do this!!</b><br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-84142708183074346822014-08-01T06:36:00.001-04:002014-08-01T06:36:37.020-04:00Slipping off track & regainingI am not doing very well. I have slowly let myself slide off plan, so that I wasn't even completely aware of it. I get one little kink in my routine and I get so thrown off. I seriously hate it so much. Why do I let this happen?<br />
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Sleep is my big focus on staying on routine.My period hit and I was exhausted more then usual, my sleep schedule changed somewhat. It all just threw me off.<br />
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I stopped walking, working out. I stopped tracking my food, which led me to start eating off plan or eating more then I should. I then was eating bad so I stopped testing my blood sugar. It is a nasty cycle that can start with one little kink and just spin out of control.<br />
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But I caught myself this time. I can recover & get back on plan. I just have to stay focused.<br />
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I think the big problem I have is just that I feel overwhelmed. So much is going on in my life right now. I feel exhausted just trying to focus and balance it all. It is too much and it makes me want to give up.<br />
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I gained alot of weight back this week and that really hit me hard. I am never going to get anywhere if everytime I take a step forward I take two backwards.<br />
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I just need to focus, lay off the excuses and get it done.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji97G4FOBzYBg0enVUJdHTzybVUzH2kO9eiVj3hcvDwqhIDkALRPZ_razupOrr9PhFGkhlKX0txCrPd6xjOIgQXXkLYlWJBNlnns4HYP-a7lpl-daBdzvKJ5nVuFv3gV-BrmI37nU5esyx/s1600/IMG_20140731_103029_816.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji97G4FOBzYBg0enVUJdHTzybVUzH2kO9eiVj3hcvDwqhIDkALRPZ_razupOrr9PhFGkhlKX0txCrPd6xjOIgQXXkLYlWJBNlnns4HYP-a7lpl-daBdzvKJ5nVuFv3gV-BrmI37nU5esyx/s1600/IMG_20140731_103029_816.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4lHu2kHjL1RKGtWZz1pMJmkUhdj8NEgnJeHNfl5aKu3uejP3S9Ap9TajhCymOSQqVVEHrl_1X0yyyadDehIA8lp2sW4QxZ-KfV5nZMKt6hKPzAHWSmBIIyNsdYyYXMfZioJqhL6VbvEiM/s1600/IMG_20140731_103019_031.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4lHu2kHjL1RKGtWZz1pMJmkUhdj8NEgnJeHNfl5aKu3uejP3S9Ap9TajhCymOSQqVVEHrl_1X0yyyadDehIA8lp2sW4QxZ-KfV5nZMKt6hKPzAHWSmBIIyNsdYyYXMfZioJqhL6VbvEiM/s1600/IMG_20140731_103019_031.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a>The good news is I got my bike finally!! Woohoo! I have so so so been missing having a bike. I am very excited to try it out....and nervous as hell. My anxiety is through the roof. Because omg I will have to be outside....where people will see me. What if I forgot how to ride a bike? What if I look stupid? What if I fall or crash? What if I can't make it up a hill because I am fat and out of shape?<br />
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I know rationally that I shouldn't care. It will be fun and it gives me freedom to go places myself. But it is still so difficult to get past all the fear. It so robs the joy out of it.<br />
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My bike's color is Magenta. It is hard to tell in the pics. It isn't that dark though.<br />
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Today i am taking the bus down to the store to return the cargo rack I got for it and get a different one. The one I got was missing screws and bolts lol. Once I get a cargo rack on it I can go shopping and also take my dog with me. Ill just strap her carrier to the cargo rack. Then I can ride down to the park and let her play! I really wanna get a basket for her to ride upfront in but it is a bit expensive so will have to wait prob until my birthday at the end of sept.<br />
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Anyways my goal is to start working out again- walking, riding my bike, doing the wii. Track all of my food! And blog more, maybe it will help me stay focused and catch myself if I start to fall off again. <br />
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<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7097966121223005357.post-38779827947295436602014-07-27T12:23:00.001-04:002014-07-27T12:26:48.655-04:00Restless**Warning below are pictures of an injured cat. He is ok now! But you may wish not to see them. It is really not too bad but there is blood.<br />
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Well I got a surprise period on Friday! I have PCOS which means it truly was a surprise. The good news is that it means between the metformin, diet & exercise things are working how they should! The true test ofcourse will be if it visits again next month but right now I am happy about it.<br />
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Well as happy as one can be while being irritable and in tons of pain. My body isn't used to having to go through this and just working so hard that it causes me alot more pain then normal. I am taking a steady stream of midol and prescription ibuprofen when it gets too much. Honestly it isn't as bad as it has been in the past where I would literally be on the floor in a ball crying and unable to move. So this is cake compared to that. I am trying to stay up and active but really its hard.<br />
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I am also sore all over and cranky and having mad cravings for bad bad things. I keep reminding myself that this is NOT a free pass to eat whatever I want. I think overall I am doing really well keeping it together. Proud of myself.<br />
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I have plans to volunteer at the animal shelter tomorrow. A huge part of me is like nooo why did u agree to that. Its bad enough that I am on my period so I really don't feel like leaving the house but it also means a lot of walking home because I didn't want to wait really late for a bus. Then on top of that my anxiety is through the roof. Facing my anxiety is like facing a room full of giant spiders. I really don't wanna do it lol. But I will never be better if I don't push myself out of my comfort zone.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQY5Mg9Sl5VkHAjshwmlsj27AWpvbXrb7k2rdbYejqK0HbqI2gd9sOkNE0fTZorCA-bw_grOC3dV9k0TSo4X7o8InhagFvrbLlQrn1FJzHcya1dGd000E86Ri8NUcZlH8pgPJ-0RxN6xG/s1600/IMG_20140724_114518_345.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQY5Mg9Sl5VkHAjshwmlsj27AWpvbXrb7k2rdbYejqK0HbqI2gd9sOkNE0fTZorCA-bw_grOC3dV9k0TSo4X7o8InhagFvrbLlQrn1FJzHcya1dGd000E86Ri8NUcZlH8pgPJ-0RxN6xG/s1600/IMG_20140724_114518_345.jpg" height="177" width="320" /></a>As much as I hate it, I am doing something good helping the cats. Plus I get to see a cat I rescued and named. His name is now Lucky and he is awaiting adoption at the shelter. I trapped him and we got him vet help because half his tail was missing and what was left was in big time need of assistance. So much blood.<br />
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He now just has alittle tiny stub of a tail left. But he is in good hands now and will get a loving caring home. He used to have a home but they kicked him out after he was injured. Breaks my heart that people can be so cruel. Keep your pet cats indoors people and if they are injured do whatever possible to get them to a vet!<br />
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Anyways today I am feeling bored and restless and irritable. I hope tomorrow I feel better.<br />
<br />EckoKittenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12008765834375224964noreply@blogger.com0