A new beginning!

So I lost my way. I fell off the path hard. It has been a rough bit of time for me. I have been struggling hard with my mental health issues. I had a failed suicide attempt. I've been in darkness & struggled.

But I see the light. I have hope.

I am ready to start anew. I am ready and need to just do it and move forward.

This time I think I am going in with a good mindset. I realize my problems I have had in the past.
I way overthink things. I try to be perfect, though not really consciously. I just build it up in my head that I am not doing things right, and as everyone knows weight loss doesn't happen overnight so when things don't happen & I am doubting myself it is difficult. I just focus so hard on every detail I get overwhelmed and things start to unravel and fall apart.

I gotta get out of that mindset for sure.


I plan to count calories and do intermittent fasting.

I used this great calorie calculator to find out how many calories I need to eat daily to lose weight.
It has me eating 1600 calories a day. I am going to do a slight calorie cycle I think and do 1800 one day a week.

I'll be doing 5:2 intermittent fasting. That means eating normally for 5 days a week & then 2 nonconsecutive days eating only 500 calories.

So my meal plan will look like:

Sunday: 1600 calories
Monday: 1600 calories
Tuesday: 500 calories
Wednesday: 1600 calories
Thursday: 1800 calories
Friday: 500 calories
Saturday: 1600 calories


I am going to be walking daily with the dogs, building up distance.

I am really feeling good about this!

I've returned with Intermittent Fasting *TW- self harm*

So I disappeared for a while... life got..bad to say the least. I fell into a deep dark ugly depression. Where I could barely get out of bed. I wasn't taking any care of myself or my apartment or anything. At my worst moments I was being suicidal & cutting. I was having such bad panic attacks that they were just hitting me all day long and I couldn't leave my apartment.

Things are slightly better right now. No more cutting & not being suicidal. But some things have gotten worse. My husband quit his job...just one night things got bad at work & had been building up for a while so he up and quit. It has been three weeks and he hasn't found a job. He isn't looking either, just watching movies & playing video games all day. I am very worried about money. Idk what we will do. To make it worse, no job = no insurance. Once my meds are gone I can't get them refilled or see my doctor. It is scary.


But besides that I am trying to focus on what I can control. My diet & health is one of those things.

I have been reading alot about intermittent fasting. Specifically Alternate Day 24 Hour Fasting. The plan is this:

Sunday: My free day/cheat day. Eat within reason but I can go off plan.

Monday/Wednesday/Friday: I eat 1400 calories but I stop eating by 5pm. So basically I can eat breakfast and lunch but skip dinner.

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday: I skip breakfast & lunch but I can eat dinner after 5pm. I only get 400 calories these days though.

So it is a 24 hour fast every other day but I still get a meal each day of the week.

I think it fits my life alot better. As I can eat larger portions. I am actually quite used to skipping meals so I think I can transition into it fairly easy.

This is an interesting site that describes intermittent fasting: http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting


On top of that I am going partial vegetarian. I've tried vegetarianism before and my longest time with it is 3 months... this time I have decided to ease my way into it. I will refrain from eating meat Monday-Saturday, but on Sunday "my free day" I may eat meat. I am going to try and focus on free ranged stuff. My main reason for going vegetarian is that I care about animals. I don't think eating meat is wrong. I wouldn't be mad at the lion for eating the lamb. But I feel we should do so respectfully for the life and treat them with care. And we do not in any way shape or form. The slaughterhouse is cruel.

I also think it will give me a focus on what I eat and help me stay away from certain foods.

I am feeling really good about these changes and hopefully they help.

Weigh in Surprise

Well today was my weigh in. I was sure that I gained. I was praying that I was the same weight and hadn't gained atleast. But this morning when I stepped on the scale....I was down 1.8lbs! I reweighed myself like 5 times to make sure it wasn't some fluke lol

So yay me! 215.4 On my way to Onderland baby!

When I woke up this morning I decided to go for my morning walk. It wasn't too chilly out but it was lightly raining. But the next two days are supposed to be very cold in the low teens or single digits. So I didn't want to waste the nice day not walking just cuz of a little rain.

Then when I got home I rested for a bit, checked facebook and such lol. Then I got busy cleaning my room. It was alot of work. I rearranged things, organized and cleaned. I now have a lovely spot to workout and do yoga.

After that I brought in the Wii and the dvd player which was a pain to unhook from the living room tv. And I got the dvd working but not the Wii. I have zero ideas why it isn't working. I feel like I need to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to hook stuff up. Everything is plugged in where it should be but it is just not working idk. Which means I have to wait until my DH's day off Wednesday, then bug him until he fixes it for me.

But since the dvd player was working I did Walk Away the Pounds Dvd, 1 mile. After dinner I am going to do another mile and some yoga.

So from now on when the weather isn't being lovely I will do the dvd and/or Wii.

After my workout I took the rats out to play in the newly cleaned bedroom. Khaleesi enjoyed it. She ran all around exploring. Her daughters decided to just hide and/or sit on me. But Ill let them out daily now that the room is picked up and they will get used to it.

Besides that I had some horrible nightmares last night which took awhile for me to shake off. I ate really good today and drank lots of water.

I am determined to make it through the week with no regrets. Wish me luck!