Web Community: Support VS Harsh Truths

I had a really bad day yesterday. I woke up upset, tired and just feeling over all meh. And the day just got worse....Having PCOS is very difficult for me. It screws up your fertility and losing weight can help alot. So being overweight & unhealthy already comes with so much baggage but lets throw the big fat cherry on top & give myself alot of guilt about standing in my own way from the ONE thing I want so badly, being a mom.

Logically it makes perfect sense, if you want something just do it. If you want something ever so badly there should be nothing standing in your way that you can't overcome.

But...if it was that easy we would all be thin and have the perfect careers and be rich & content. Wanting something, even badly doesn't make the road to it any easier. I don't want to be overweight. I don't want to be unhealthy either. It is like you are walking down a road towards your goal. This is the road you have to walk everyday all day long. And on this road you are going to find so much crap in front of you. Days where temptation for junk is ultra high, days where your mood is super low and you just wanna stuff your face & not get out of bed, days where your entire life of bad habits are pulling you in the opposite direction. There is no easy button. It is difficult.

My biggest issues lie in not always knowing what to eat. I have a lifetime full of bad eating habits. I am used to eating pasta & pizza and microwavable junk everyday. Breaking that is difficult & overwhelming for sure. I am getting there but it is a slow process. I also have issues with binging & not eating. I would go all day without eating, be starving and then binge out at night. That is hard to break as well.

Yes I want this. Yes I WILL succeed. But that doesn't mean that I am going to do it perfectly. And there are times when I am feeling down, lost, confused on the best way to walk this path is and need advice or support.



Which brings me to the point of this post....

Yesterday I posted in a PCOS forum asking for support/advice. What I got instead was alot of tears. I posted that I was having a very bad day & was upset and struggling to deal with carbs. Looking for advice from people who had lost weight/controlled their PCOS while not going carb free. Instead I got the rudest reply. They asked if I loved carbs more then I wanted to be a mom. And then went on to say along the lines that if I didn't have self-discipline then how would I raise a child with healthy eating habits. For some reason they felt giving me the "harsh truth" was fitting.

First let me say that I hate it when people feel the need to give a harsh truth. Really do you feel I do not already know I am fat? unhealthy? Am I blind & stupid? It is offensive. Few people are really so oblivious and if you do not personally know them, their situation, or what is going on in their life you should really just bite your tongue. Because you are implying that I didn't already know this & that you can not offer it up in any type of nice way?

There is a TON TON TON of conflicting info out there on if you need to go carb free, super low carb, paleo, etc... or if you can eat a balanced diet and just watch/control your carbs while still enjoying them. I was not seeking a debate. I know people like their plans & what works for them great! But I was specifically looking for those who did enjoy their carbs & advice on THAT. 

Secondly I found the comment very cruel. As I said above there is so much self hate/guilt tied in with this experience for me. Having it shoved in my face when I already state I am not upset is just so mean to me. I can not even grasp why someone would think that was ok. Perhaps I am just not able to fully see the situation idk...And I do not think the person was attempting to be mean or attack me but I have heard stories where like a relative tells someone they shouldn't eat "that" during like a big family gathering in front of everyone. They may mean well but they are going about it like a very rude inconsiderate oaf.

What I do know is that it hurt me very much. I spent the day in the shower & then in bed crying ALOT. Not the most productive way to handle that. Granted I have anxiety/depression so I don't handle things all that well. The good news is I have a different helpful forum in the process.

I go to forums for advice & support from those who are going through the same issues. Ofcourse there is a place for discussion, advice, even debate. But when someone comes seeking help, being open and sharing what they are going through I guess I expect people to be friendly, helpful, caring, supportive. No I do not want an endless supply of fluff, people only telling me it will be ok or lying. But there is a whole bunch of middle ground in between.

All I am saying is be nice people. Weightloss, depression, and all the health complications like diabetes, pcos, etc... can be a difficult struggle for people. Some handle is much easier then others. But there is no easy button. Talking online people can easily be misunderstood or things taken the wrong way. And you do not know the person behind the post, what they are going through. They may be in a very bad place & your comment could be the one that pushes them over. And for those like myself, try and not take comments to heart. It isn't easy, but they are a stranger who doesn't know you. I am not going to let it stop me from posting on other forums.

Be NICE!

My "diet"

First ofcourse this is not a diet, this is a lifestyle. A diet can be great if you need to lose 5lbs for some upcoming thing but if you restrict yourself for a week as soon as you go back to eating normally you will just gain it all back, often plus more.

I have to have a plan that I can stick with for life. Which means no crazy restrictions for me. I enjoy food, I think that is fine. My problem is not with food, it is with myself and my choices.

I have counted calories in the past with much success. I use http://www.sparkpeople.com which is a great free website. But with my anxiety it can be a blessing & a curse. I tend to stress over every little detail. And when I am first counting calories I often relentlessly worry about getting enough vs too many. It is stressful for me. When I am first starting to make changes I have alot to take on at once. I think making things simpler to start with will help me. It is about taking steps. Today I take one, the next I take another. So yes I do plan on counting calories but I need to change my diet first.

Small steps are the key to success. So for now I am choosing to start small and just change my focus.

• Stop eating crap. I don't need fast food every week. I don't need to order pizza every week. I don't need to eat frozen pizza everyday...No junk food that I don't really even like. No more pop-I only drink diet but I need to drink water.
• Eat real food. Eat veggies. Eat fruit. Eat simply. 
• Watch my portions. I don't need to eat enough for 5 people. I do not need to eat until I feel so full that I am sick.
• I need to eat more balanced. Eat breakfast, eat lunch, eat dinner with some snack breaks in there. No more skipping meals until I am starving.

With those key points in mind. I am going to really shake stuff up diet wise. I plan on sticking with simple meals and adding like one big meal a week. I plan on working with fresh healthier foods.

So for breakfasts: oatmeal with fruit, eggs with veggies galore, smoothies
Lunch: eggs veggie packed, salads, sandwiches,
Dinner: again... eggs, salads, sandwiches & also stuff like chicken & rice & veggies or a big recipe I try for the week.
Snacks: fruit, veggies, trail mix, yogurt, smoothies

I like salads, eggs & sandwiches because they are healthy, made with real food, and have endless possibilities.