Stopped a binge!

So this morning I woke up and dragged myself out of bed. I really didn't want to get up. My bed was warm and cozy. But I got up and took my morning walk which wasn't that bad. It wasn't too chilly and the wind wasn't too bad.

Then things took a bad turn. I bought a big bag of trail mix and I just binged out eating almost the entire bag. Almost 1k calories. :( I am so so so mad at myself. I kept saying just one serving more, one more....and then I tracked it and wow, it adds up fast.

Then my DH came home from work early and wanted me to order pizza. I decided to be smart and I got myself thin crust with just onions and green peppers on it. Which is really not that bad of calories for a serving. But I started binging again. Pizza is a trigger food for me, its really hard for me to stop.

But I stopped! I ate alot. But mid binge I argued with myself and was able to stop. Such a big part of me kept saying you already screwed up might as well keep going. But I didn't listen. This is an amazing breakthrough for me.

I have mixed emotions between being mad at myself for binging on the trail mix and then on the pizza and being happy that I was able to stop.

Tomorrow is my weigh in and its not looking good. But it shouldn't be horrible either. Hopefully. Not a great start to the new year. sigh

And my evening walk was canceled because it was raining and the rain mixed with all the snow was making it super slippery. I started to walk but had to turn around and go home.

Yesterday I walked over 7500 steps. On my way to 10k a day!

I didn't get my room cleaned today. DH came home and took a nap and I didn't want to bother him. But I will get it done tomorrow. I am going to clear a space out so I can do yoga and workout in and bring the dvd player and wii in to the bedroom so I can workout in privacy. No more excuses.

So I have alot of mixed emotions. Some good stuff some bad. I just need to take a deep breath, relax and look towards tomorrow. Wish me luck I need it.

My Meds Are Working!

So I had a great Christmas. We went to my inlaws and celebrated Christmas eve. Then on Christmas day we went over to DH's grandparents house for a bit.

The holidays are a perfect test of my meds, I am around a bunch of people. Usually it sucked big time. I am ultra quiet. I hang out by DH like I am glued to him. I have sneaked off to the bathroom to cry. I am so nervous that I make myself literally sick. I have panic attacks the entire time.

Well instead it was wonderful. It wasn't perfect, don't get me wrong. I didn't have some miracle change where I am a whole new person lol. I wasn't the life of the party, or a chatty cathy. But I only had one small panic attack when we first arrived. I wasn't sick with nerves. I talked to people some. I didn't cry which is always a good sign. I didn't feel the need to stick to DH as much.

Honestly it was a breath of fresh air. It means my meds are working. And I see a noticeable difference. I can't even express how happy that makes me. I can't wait to tell my doctor and therapist!

That was the greatest part of Christmas for me :)

Everyone seemed to enjoy the gifts we got them. Which I am glad :) I loved my gifts!

I wanted to redo my kitchen in purple and my wish was granted. I got purple hand towels, pot holders, serving spoons, all kinds of utensils, two cutting boards and best of all....purple plates. I can't tell you how excited I was over the plates lol. I seriously love them. They are the Rachel Ray collection.  They are round and square at the same time which makes them look really neat.

 

With a gift card I bought myself the fitbit zip. And I seriously LOVE it already. It is really neat. It tracks distance and steps. I know I am nowhere near 10k steps a day but hopefully this inspires me to try. What i really love about it is that it syncs with sparkpeople. So after my walk I can come home and sync it and it auto loads up my distance and time. So no more having to track it on my phone app and then putting it in manually. 

The only downside is that it is so tiny. I am so afraid I will lose it. I have it hooked to the inside of my bra so it won't fall off no matter what. Which it has a nice tight hook so I doubt it would come off easily. 

I also got a video game, Dragon Age Inquisition. I am a big fan of the other two dragon age games so I was pretty excited for this to come out. So far though I am not loving the game. Its very different from the other two and will take some getting used to for sure. Maybe once the story progresses I will like it more...hopefully. 

Anyways diet wise I did very well over the holidays. I ended up skipping lunch both Christmas eve and Christmas. So that helped I am sure. I didn't stuff myself or come even close either. I did eat some cheesecake and cookies though. It was delicious no regrets. :) It was Christmas. Exercise wise I took the dog for a walk around the block both days but that is it. Still I was moving so yay. 

Last night I also took a walk. I am trying once again to walk every evening. & I would like to then add walking in the morning too. We will see. The weather is beautiful right now so I should take full advantage of it.

Today I have a pretty busy day of cleaning, taking down all the Christmas stuff. I need to pick up the living room its a mess lol. And clean the rats cage and organize my bedroom alittle bit better. 

Happy Memorial Day!

Today I am the mostest (yep mostest) proudest of myself ever!! Me, crazy super anxiety girl, not only went and met complete strangers, outside, by myself (well with Trixie), but I also walked in the parade. Yes tons of people all staring at me & taking pics/videos. I was a rock star.

It was so scary honestly, I had alot of almost chicken out moments. But I did it and I am happy & proud of myself. I even got a super sweet text from my DH saying how proud he was of me. ❤

A local groomer I was interested in was seeking more people to walk in the parade to represent them. I agreed to go. It wasn't a great workout, though moving at all is better then sitting on the couch! Under a mile and was very slow.

Trixie had a blast. As soon as we arrived she got so excited to see all the other dogs & people. But she got shy when we got over to everyone and hid behind me a few times. She was well behaved though. And met each dog. She was a huge fan of a sweet tempered girl named Pepper.

One of the best parts was getting to see a pony and they let me pet it! So soft!

It was alot of fun & I am very glad I did it.

Anyways... going shopping tonight. I have a great plan & shopping list.

I am feeling so amazing right now!