New Meds

Well I went to the doctor today. I had to literally drag myself out of bed kicking and screaming lmao! I so didn't want to get up early but I did. yay me!

The weather is yucky, snowing and cold. So it wasn't any fun walking to the bus stop and then waiting for the bus. The bus was running late so I was a few mins late to the doctors office but it didnt seem to matter.

The doctor switched up my meds. She took me off abilify. Doubled my dose of prozac but I take it twice a day now. And she put me on Seroquel XR. She thinks this will help my depression and help me sleep normally now.

I am also supposed to stop taking naps during the day which will be hard at first. I am so tired. But hopefully i can do it.

She also wants me to start walking atleast 4 times a week. Which was my plan anyways even though the turn of weather is going to make that difficult.

Well we will see how this new medication goes. Fingers crossed it works out all my kinks. Now I just have to let the meds work and focus on my diet and exercise!

I just don't like raw carrots.

I have tried to appease my hummus addiction with sliced cucumber and carrots. The cucumbers were strange, not bad, but I am not sure if I liked it or not lol. I still ate it so eh. But no I do not like raw carrots and even dipping them in yummy hummus did not fool me into liking them. I like plenty of other veggies so I just need to stop forcing myself to try and like carrots. It isn't going to happen.

I went to the doctor yesterday. She upped my prozac by double so I am up from 20mg to 40mg. She also gave me propranolol to take as needed during a severe panic attack. She kept me on the same 2.5 of abilify. And said my blood sugar numbers were looking good and that we would talk more about diabetes stuff the next time I come in, in 2 months. I plan to be an all star by then :)

I think one thing that will really help me is a better meal plan. I find myself wasting food left and right because I buy alot and then don't have time to eat it all or end up eating something else. I need a plan that can be firm enough to have structure but with some wiggle room just incase something else comes up.

This is my idea for now. I wanna test my BS after each meal and play around if I need to.

Breakfast:
Eggs + veggies
Apple
maybe bread/toast?
1 day a week oatmeal IF after I test my BS it isn't crazy high after.

Lunch:
Salad

Dinner:
My "Big" meal of the day that changes each week. But ideally it would be 1-2 things that I can eat leftovers the other nights.
Ideas:
Fajitas which is my newest favorite thing I have learned to make
Pasta dishes with tons of veggies/little bit of pasta
chicken + veggies and/rice maybe
whatever my husband wants for dinner but smartly portioned and with veggies for me.


Ideally I would prefer lunch to be my big meal and stick with a salad for dinner. I think it would be wiser. But as I am alone for lunch but the DH is home for dinner. It would spell disaster as it tempts all my willpower to stick with a salad when he wants something yummy for dinner. I have to set myself up for success.

With this plan I will only need to be testing my BS around dinner to figure out what foods work and don't. I won't have to worry about breakfast or lunch ideas. It is simple and easy. Lower carb meals but not giving up carbs completely or even being all that low.

Hopefully this will all help budget wise and diet wise.

Up to 2 Miles!

Yesterday I went to the therapist and it was a really good session. We talked about how I am not very assertive and how I need to be. How because I'm not I tend to let things bubble up & take over my mind as I obsesses over them. So something small becomes something huge because I am not facing it.

She explained that I have this backpack of rocks that I am carrying around. Each rock is a weight of something bad or uncomfortable that I am not letting go of or or not facing. And it is heavy and it takes me out of the moment. I can't focus on today if I am focused on all of this other crap that is so heavy and in my way.

And everytime I take care of an issue, that weight is lifted and I have more room to focus on my real issues and big problems. I also learn how to deal with issues so that it is easier and in the future I won't put the rock in my bag but just deal with it and move on.

So I have to work on being more assertive! She also wants me to find a way to volunteer at the cat shelter. She also told me I should see my doctor about upping my meds. I was planning on going today but forgot they are closed on Thursdays so tomorrow it is.


This morning I woke up at 4am again...fun! Idk why this keeps happening but it sucks. I wake up and can not go back to sleep for anything. Maybe I am drinking too much water before bed. I will try to cut back so close to bedtime and see if that keeps me asleep longer.

I went for a nice long walk today...2 miles! I decided to just push myself and up it. It went really well. I always start off so rough but as I go along my body adjusts and I am not so anxious, then it is easier.

My FBS was 128 this morning. Yesterday after lunch/before dinner it was the lowest yet at 118. I am feeling quite positive about it all.

Bipolar, Anxiety, & Diabeties Oh My!

So yesterday I went to the doctor. I was soo nervous. But I really liked the doctor and the staff. Everyone seemed interested in helping me, caring and helpful. They listened to me and seemed to want me to be better. I have seen some doctors that were so not helpful, so this is really great.

I was diagnosed with bipolar & anxiety disorder. The doctor put me on prozac & abilify. A low dosage for now. I am also going to be looking for a therapist to talk with. I feel nervous, sad and crazy. But I also feel good because I know for sure and I am on the right path to get help and maybe things will be better.

I am also now taking care of my diabetes & PCOS again. I am on metformin and testing my blood sugar. This morning was the first time I tested it in a long long time. I was a bit scared to prick my finger omg lol. I don't think I will ever be perfectly used to it. My fasting blood sugar was 270 this morning which is not good at all. I guess it should be between 90-130. So yeah :(


I gave up soda. I was drinking only diet but it was still so bad for me. Yesterday I drank my last one. Well I think I may drink one if I ever go out to eat perhaps though I usually like getting lemonades or margaritas but I won't say never. But no more buying it to have at home. I drink water now, sometimes tea.

I am going to do better diet wise & exercise wise. Right now I have chicken marinating in pesto yum! & some cooking in the oven. Going to make a big salad for dinner.

Ill post more later right now I am about to go eat!

Being brave, seeing a DR, possibly bipolar? Service dogs?

So I have decided to see a doctor finally. *Deep Breath* It is so scary that I may explode. I am not doing well at all. The panic attacks have gotten really bad, where I am having them everyday & several times a day, even without any cause that I can figure out.

I have also started thinking that I may be bipolar. I feel like I am always at extremes and never just normal. Either I am high and doing amazing, I plan, organize, am creative and create projects. Where I throw myself into it 500%, I research every aspect of something, plan these big goals for it like it is already happening, I will fill notebooks with writing it all out, charts, graphs, fill folders on my computer but then idk what happens it falls apart. One day I will be a motivational poster and then next I am acting like the world is ending.

My depression is worse. Days where I just want to die nonstop. It floods me with that thought. I can't do anything. I can't function. I just want it to end.

I won't post everything that is going on in my head. I think some of it is just too private. But I have taken a long hard look at myself. I wrote everything down that is going on and obviously stuff is not right. Idk if I am bipolar or not but I need to see the doctor for sure.

Ofcourse super anxiety girl here just taking that step feels like I am trying to step out in an open chasm filled with spiders or something...I looked at my insurance to see doctors in my area. I wanted to see a female if possible & I would prefer one in walking distance.Well in a small town I do not have a huge list of options.

I have decided to see a GP first. It will help because they can get me back on my meds for my pcos/diabetes. Yay metformin.... and also run tests for I guess thyroid to make sure that isn't causing my issues. Then give me a referral I guess.

This doctor is kindof weird to me, they do same day appointments and I have to call in the early morning to set it up. So i am going to try and go tomorrow.

To prepare I am also going to take a notebook & write down everything that is not great and so I can read it or give it to her. This will help me alot. As I often get so anxious that I forget things or ramble or have a hard time getting stuff out.

Hopefully the doctor is nice. I am praying she is because honestly the amount of courage it is taking me to do this is just insane and if this goes bad I am afraid it will set me back alot. sigh



I am also going to ask her about service dogs. This entire thing actually came up because of service dogs. In the past, I had looked into getting an ESA (emotional support animal), well legally having my pets be that for me. Recently while looking up some help seeing a doctor I read about those with a psychiatric issue getting a service dog (which is different then an ESA. Service dogs are used in all kinds of cases to help people with a disability. I qualify. Many people with my same problems use service dogs. The definition for a disability by the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act)

An individual with a disability is defined by the ADA as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment.

That would be me. I can not work. I can not drive. Most days I can not leave my house. In many situations I just shut down. I have since been doing nonstop research on service dogs & talking with some organizations that have been most helpful. There is alot of information that I did not know about.

1. Anyone with a disability (as defined above) can get a service dog. You should be diagnosed so that you are sure you actually are and to make sure it holds up in court. But you do not actually need a doctors letter or prescription or anything to get one.
2. Your dog also does not need to come from an organization that trains them or be registered or certified. You can also do owner training, and train your own dog.
3. Your service dog does not need to have any ID or vest or anything. People choose to let their dogs wear vests because it is helpful, it show that their dog is a service dog & to try and warn people not to distract/pet their dog. It is also helpful to be like a uniform for the dog, so they know they are working.
4. Any website that attempts to sell certification unless they are actually meeting/training the dog is a huge SCAM. Your dog does not need a certificate, and most people who buy these are just trying to cheat the system and bring their who is not a service dog with them.
5. service dogs can be any breed, even small dogs.

Your dog has to behave in public, if owner training it is suggested that you do obedience training & Canine Good Citizen. If your dog isn't perfectly trained it should not be out in public still. 

The main thing though is that to qualify your dog must do TASKS. 

A task is an individual, discrete (a complete stand alone unit), specific thing that needs doing. It has one cue and one result. It might be a simple behavior or a complex one with multiple steps, but there is always a single objective. Examples of tasks include: opening doors, picking up dropped items, and notifying the handler of the sound of the doorbell. 

1. must be individually trained (not natural behaviors of dogs such as needing to be walked or turning their head when they hear a sound, emotional support, or companionship)
2. must mitigate the person's disability (ie be something the person's disability prevents or substantially limits them from being able to do for themselves)
 From: http://www.servicedogcentral.org/content/faq

Tasks are one thing that is different between ESAs and PSD (psychiatric service dogs). An owner with an ESA is not covered under the ADA. You can not bring your dog into public businesses where any normal dog is not allowed. ESAs are only allowed to be in no pet housing & airplanes. PSD are service dogs and their owners are allowed to bring them everywhere.

So if a dog just comforts you, makes you feel better if you pet it, etc... those DO NOT count as TASKS. It could be an ESA but not a PSD.

This website gives a good list of tasks: http://www.iaadp.org/psd_tasks.html

There is alot more to service dogs but that is just some interesting basic info. I think having that will really help me. Relieve my anxiety, let me go outside & in public & just function without having to sit at home too afraid to step outside.

When I have more time I will talk about the tasks I would need and give some more info about it. Right now I just wanna focus on seeing the doctor and hoping everything goes well.