Finding My Goddess Within

Hello world, Welcome to my blog! The purpose of this blog is to be my sacred little slice of the interwebs for me to post all my insane thoughts. Really though it is about my journey to a healthier & happier me!

I really love reading blogs. I follow a bunch and have learned so much, have been motivated & inspired. I feel like I wanted to be apart of that. I do not think of myself as very motivational but perhaps one day lol. I do think though that it is important to share our stories so we can all know that we are not alone. I am diabetic with PCOS & anxiety disorder. It is very difficult to just get out of bed some days much less make meaningful life changes. I think by writing I will motivate & push myself, even if at that moment my only motivation is to have something to write about.

So basically my idea is to post about my journey, the ups and downs of trying to be healthy & achieving that goal. I will share recipes & all my failed cooking attempts because I am scary in the kitchen. New fitness things I find and my fitness progress. I will probably share alot about my pets as well and my struggle to train my dog. There may also be some spiritual flair here and there. I will also be posting about my struggle with my anxiety disorder and my progress and healing.

Why the Goddess Within?

First let me say I am a pagan, I worship the Goddess and nature. Nothing evil about it. I am a peaceful hippy chick who wants peace, love and kittens for all. I think all religion is beautiful though the dogma we try to dictate can be an ugly mess. But being spiritual is important and everyone should find their own path to that.

Anyways...That title has stuck with me for a long time. It came from an old Goddess study group I belonged to. There was a discussion on how we as women often put down ourselves over and over and over again. We would never (I would hope) tell a stranger or a friend that they are a horrible ugly person, but we can tell ourselves that every single day. We are supposed to be seeing the Goddess in all things and yet we were not seeing Her divine beauty in ourselves.

That really struck a cord with me. I put myself down ALOT. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm stupid. What a horrible thing to say to anyone, what a horrible thing to say to someone I love, what a horrible thing to say to myself!

So it is about finding my inner Goddess. Being able to say that I am beautiful, confident, lovely, smart, and a piece of the Divine Beauty that is the universe.

It also relates strongly for me in terms of my anxiety. My anxiety is this evil little demon that feeds on my insecurities. Making me feel weak, scared, cowardly. I want to picture myself as an Amazon Warrior Goddess. A huge bow with flaming arrows to knock down my enemies. Where I can stand tall, brave, strong alone and not let anything stand in my way. It is a strong inspiration to me.

There is so much in my life that I want to do but don't because I hold myself back. I want to run. The freedom, the beauty, the peacfulness of it. I love to run. And while being out of shape has made it difficult the biggest issue is my fear. OMG people will see me! It reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel & Phoebe run in the park, and Phoebe runs like a moron because she says it is fun & it embarrasses Rachel.

I love nature, I want to be outdoors. I want to explore & hike. I want to climb a damn mountain. I want to be a yoga queen and I am far too scared to take a class and doing it at home I am constantly second guessing myself if I am doing it right or not. I fell in love with the boxing on the Wii and I would love to try boxing. I love to dance and god forbid anyone ever sees me do it.

I have this fit healthy girl inside of me that has been kidnapped and tied up by a lazy, scared, out of shape villain. It is about damn time to set her free. The path will not be easy. There are distractions and giant holes to jump over. I will fall on my face more times then I can imagine. But i will get back up...

Damn right I will. I am a Goddess.