Weigh in!

My weigh in is usually Sunday but I totally forgot to weigh in yesterday so I did this morning instead. I was up to 211 during the week but this morning I was down to 208.2! Which is up from the 207.6 I was last week but I am under 210 so I am happy. I am guessing my period and not eating great caused the gain. But next week I will get back down.

I am so exhausted right now. I just wanna take a nap but I am struggling not to. I think not napping helped me sleep better but its really hard not to. I actually slept pretty good last night. I woke up afew times but managed to fall back to sleep without too much of a fight.

I rode my bike this morning again. I am working on not stopping at all and its hard but I am getting better. I also took a short walk to get cat litter from the store nearby. It was a super short walk almost across the street but carrying the 14lb container of cat litter home was prob a nice workout lol

Besides that my day is pretty good though boring. I am eating pretty good. I have the bored munchies. But resisting pretty well.

I am so out of shape

My day did not start off well. I woke up at 5am so tired but couldnt fall back to sleep. My DH got up around 6 to get ready for work & with the light on and him talking to me I just decided to get up for good. I wanted to get up early anyways for a bike ride. But not quite that early... lol

First thing I went out to feed the feral cats and I found one of the kittens had been hit by a car just as I was coming outside. It must have been sleeping under the car and for some reason didn't run away or in time when it started up and left. It was too late to do anything for it. But I carried it over to the woods so none of the kids would see it since it was right outside the playground area. I was crying my eyes out this entire time. To make matters worse...momma cat found it and was carrying it around. So yeah my heart is just in pieces right now.

This is the second cat I have found hit by cars. Please for the love of all things holy keep your cats indoors. :(


Anyways I decided to go on my bike ride this morning. I had big hopes that I would ride this huge distance like it was nothing.... omg I am so out of shape. Right away I was like hell no I cant do this.I went 1.72 miles all together and my average speed was 5 mph...which is slow as hell. All the bike tracking on my fitness tracker was 10 mph and higher just to give u an idea.... The fastest I went was 11 mph and that was downhill.

My legs were on fire. I was so out of breath. I wanted to die. I had to stop several times. At one point I didn't think I could go on & had a panic attack over it.

So yeah I am out of shape. And it sucks. And it truly makes me want to throw in the towel and never ever ever touch the bike again or move again and just curl up and stuff myself with pizza and say screw it all.

I won't do that though, as tempting as it is. I remember a quote:

It is hard but staying overweight, sick, tired all the time, out of breath, out of energy and so unhealthy is hard too. It seems easy in the moment but it is just a different type of hard.

I just have to remind myself that it gets easier. Right?

I give up very easily. It becomes hard and I have a panic attack and it throws me off. I should talk to my therapist about that next time I see her. Because I am still have panic attacks and it is really hard to work out when I am having them as soon as I push myself.

I need to stop staying in my comfort zone. I am not talking about running a marathon tomorrow. I don't want to push myself too hard and not be ready for it. But I need to go harder and farther then I have been or it will never get easier.

So goal setting time:

1.  4 days a week ride my bike in the morning. Going to do 1 mile everyday this week, next week 1.5, etc...
2.  5 days a week take an evening walk with my dog. 1 mile everyday for 2 weeks then 1.5 for 2 weeks, then 2 for 2 weeks. 
3.  Atleast 3 times a week do the Wii workout. This includes strength and weights. 15 mins for the first 2 weeks then 30 mins.

I am starting slow with just 1 mile, 15 mins, etc... One thing spark has taught me is to set myself up for success. I am starting a whole new fitness schedule so go slow and do what I know I can do and then build up one step at a time.

I am also going to blog/journal everyday and track my food! I gotta track it. Even if it is bad.

I can do this!!

Slipping off track & regaining

I am not doing very well. I have slowly let myself slide off plan, so that I wasn't even completely aware of it. I get one little kink in my routine and I get so thrown off. I seriously hate it so much. Why do I let this happen?

Sleep is my big focus on staying on routine.My period hit and I was exhausted more then usual, my sleep schedule changed somewhat. It all just threw me off.

I stopped walking, working out. I stopped tracking my food, which led me to start eating off plan or eating more then I should. I then was eating bad so I stopped testing my blood sugar. It is a nasty cycle that can start with one little kink and just spin out of control.

But I caught myself this time. I can recover & get back on plan. I just have to stay focused.

I think the big problem I have is just that I feel overwhelmed. So much is going on in my life right now. I feel exhausted just trying to focus and balance it all. It is too much and it makes me want to give up.

I gained alot of weight back this week and that really hit me hard. I am never going to get anywhere if everytime I take a step forward I take two backwards.

I just need to focus, lay off the excuses and get it done.

The good news is I got my bike finally!! Woohoo! I have so so so been missing having a bike. I am very excited to try it out....and nervous as hell. My anxiety is through the roof. Because omg I will have to be outside....where people will see me. What if I forgot how to ride a bike? What if I look stupid? What if I fall or crash? What if I can't make it up a hill because I am fat and out of shape?

I know rationally that I shouldn't care. It will be fun and it gives me freedom to go places myself. But it is still so difficult to get past all the fear. It so robs the joy out of it.

 My bike's color is Magenta. It is hard to tell in the pics. It isn't that dark though.



Today i am taking the bus down to the store to return the cargo rack I got for it and get a different one. The one I got was missing screws and bolts lol. Once I get a cargo rack on it I can go shopping and also take my dog with me. Ill just strap her carrier to the cargo rack. Then I can ride down to the park and let her play! I really wanna get a basket for her to ride upfront in but it is a bit expensive so will have to wait prob until my birthday at the end of sept.

Anyways my goal is to start working out again- walking, riding my bike, doing the wii. Track all of my food! And blog more, maybe it will help me stay focused and catch myself if I start to fall off again.