I am so out of shape

My day did not start off well. I woke up at 5am so tired but couldnt fall back to sleep. My DH got up around 6 to get ready for work & with the light on and him talking to me I just decided to get up for good. I wanted to get up early anyways for a bike ride. But not quite that early... lol

First thing I went out to feed the feral cats and I found one of the kittens had been hit by a car just as I was coming outside. It must have been sleeping under the car and for some reason didn't run away or in time when it started up and left. It was too late to do anything for it. But I carried it over to the woods so none of the kids would see it since it was right outside the playground area. I was crying my eyes out this entire time. To make matters worse...momma cat found it and was carrying it around. So yeah my heart is just in pieces right now.

This is the second cat I have found hit by cars. Please for the love of all things holy keep your cats indoors. :(


Anyways I decided to go on my bike ride this morning. I had big hopes that I would ride this huge distance like it was nothing.... omg I am so out of shape. Right away I was like hell no I cant do this.I went 1.72 miles all together and my average speed was 5 mph...which is slow as hell. All the bike tracking on my fitness tracker was 10 mph and higher just to give u an idea.... The fastest I went was 11 mph and that was downhill.

My legs were on fire. I was so out of breath. I wanted to die. I had to stop several times. At one point I didn't think I could go on & had a panic attack over it.

So yeah I am out of shape. And it sucks. And it truly makes me want to throw in the towel and never ever ever touch the bike again or move again and just curl up and stuff myself with pizza and say screw it all.

I won't do that though, as tempting as it is. I remember a quote:

It is hard but staying overweight, sick, tired all the time, out of breath, out of energy and so unhealthy is hard too. It seems easy in the moment but it is just a different type of hard.

I just have to remind myself that it gets easier. Right?

I give up very easily. It becomes hard and I have a panic attack and it throws me off. I should talk to my therapist about that next time I see her. Because I am still have panic attacks and it is really hard to work out when I am having them as soon as I push myself.

I need to stop staying in my comfort zone. I am not talking about running a marathon tomorrow. I don't want to push myself too hard and not be ready for it. But I need to go harder and farther then I have been or it will never get easier.

So goal setting time:

1.  4 days a week ride my bike in the morning. Going to do 1 mile everyday this week, next week 1.5, etc...
2.  5 days a week take an evening walk with my dog. 1 mile everyday for 2 weeks then 1.5 for 2 weeks, then 2 for 2 weeks. 
3.  Atleast 3 times a week do the Wii workout. This includes strength and weights. 15 mins for the first 2 weeks then 30 mins.

I am starting slow with just 1 mile, 15 mins, etc... One thing spark has taught me is to set myself up for success. I am starting a whole new fitness schedule so go slow and do what I know I can do and then build up one step at a time.

I am also going to blog/journal everyday and track my food! I gotta track it. Even if it is bad.

I can do this!!