I've been so so bad. Just a huge mess. I wasn't eating right. I was eating really really bad without any care. I stopped working out. Once again I fell into this darkness and I couldn't climb back out. I just couldn't summon the motivation to wake up and get my act together. I was full of excuses. I know stress had something to do with it. I need better ways to deal with my stress instead of retreating away and falling apart.
Three things have been on my mind lately that are helping me get back on track.
1. I was feeling really really sick. All that bad eating caught up to me and omg I wanted to die. It was really bad. Kindof a big wake up call to my bad eating.
2. I didn't want to go to therapy this week. I am still going to go. but I had my head full of excuses of why I shouldn't go. And even as I was playing it out in my head I knew I was just making excuses and that it was just a bad thing going on. I knew if I didnt go it would be a slippery slope.
3. One of my spark friends is doing absolutely amazing. She is so inspiring me. She is pushing herself farther and being so brave and it wants me to get back to that same place so badly.
I don't feel like I have summoned all that beautiful motivation like I have in the past. I am still feeling rather meh. But I can do this. Small steps make the difference. And if I just start doing small things sooner or later I will get my motivation back.
Tomorrow I am taking a walk, no excuses. I am getting up and walking.
I am back to drinking water again.
Back to testing my Blood Sugar.
Next time I go shopping which will prob be wednesday. I will shop smart. No sweets. No junk. No heavy carb loaded meals. I will eat simply and smart. Watch my portions.
I can do this. I feel scared and full of anxiety. IDK why even. But I am doing it. Wish me well I need it.
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